He Is Not Gone, He is Just Away: In Tribute to Sidney Parker, Who Lives On

"I cannot say, and I will not say,

That he is dead. He is just away.

With a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand,

He has wandered into an unknown land,

And left us dreaming how very fair

It needs must be, since he lingers there."

"Time let me play and be 
        Golden in the mercy of his means." 

--"Fern Hill" by Dylan Thomas 

Today, Sanditon Season 2 premieres on PBS Masterpiece. One year ago, I looked forward to this hypothetical date--I had imagined a hundred scenarios for how Charlotte and Sidney would reunite. It was the only thing I really wanted on the fan petition--it was the single reason I even campaigned for a tv show of all things. Certainly, the isolation at the height of the pandemic had affected me and I thought then that it was a good use of time. The truth is Charlotte and Sidney's love story affected me like no other. But now, in a strange twist of fate, I feel no desire to tune in to the premiere. The show will premiere as a shadow of its former self because it's missing its beating heart: Sidney Parker. 

I've analyzed all of the smashed, delicate porcelain pieces of how the show was destroyed in another essay (The Past is Never Dead) so there's no sense re-hashing it here. With time, my anger has now tempered but the frustration at the senselessness of it all remains deep down. It didn't have to end this way and it wasn't meant to.  The show I loved, Sanditon, returns as a cartoonish re-working. To quell fans, the producers tried to play off Season 1 as some sort of prequel to the "real" story of Charlotte but we know better. We saw it with our own eyes. They write Sidney out in episode one of Season 2. They aim to bury him in the most final of ways--6 feet under.  

But here's the thing. You can't kill an idea. Sidney is an idea now. He's a character, he's timeless. He represents possibility, hope, power, love, passion, strength--all of those ideas that set our hearts ablaze.  They can write him out of their adaptation, fans can disparage him, call him names, or get livid at the mere mention of his name. They can say those who still speak of him aren't on"Team Charlotte" or whatever they like.  It's all silly when it comes down to it. Frankly, I'm not sure what I think about Charlotte in series 2.  I will need to find out more about her in the next season, but from what I've seen and heard so far,  every man she meets is seemingly hypnotized by her perfection, so I can't relate to her in the same way. Season 1's Charlotte was just as flawed as Sidney and was growing too... but I'll save those thoughts for another day.

Right now, I'm thinking about Sidney and the fact is, they can't write him out of our hearts. The attempt to erase his character has only made him loom larger.  Surely, any character that inspires equal parts of passion and anger is unforgettable.  So I felt a need to revisit my Stallion essay from 2020 about Charlotte as the horse whisperer taming and understanding Sidney--seeing underneath his hardened exterior to his true, bold and beautiful nature.  Stallions are spirited and noble creatures and so is Sidney, a good and honorable man with a wild side. Fiercely loyal and devoted to family, Sidney showed his soft side only to those few he trusted. 

I had intended to write just a short new introductory paragraph to re-introduce the essay given the drastic, altered circumstances of season 2, but as with all of my other Sanditon essays, I couldn't stop writing. When it comes to Sidney Parker, I still have more to say. No matter that they try and bash him from our heads, it just isn't possible. So I had to write a whole new tribute to him, a character who is now permanently seared in our hearts. 

A friend shared a haunting painting called "The Wanderer above The Sea of Fog" painted by Caspar David Friedrich in 1817 and which is posted at the top of the blog. She likened the wanderer in the painting to Sidney, waiting to be reunited with his lost love. That's how I see him now too. With a hand on his hip standing with conviction and his black coat flowing, he channels Sidney.  The painting reminds me of the poem "He is Not Gone, He is Just Away" for which this essay is named: "he has wandered into an unknown land." I thought both poem and painting captured his plight beautifully. He has just wandered away, high on the clifftops above the swirling sea, or on a ship sailing to distant lands looking for his way back home, his way back to Charlotte. Still brave and determined, our explorer journeys somewhere in a distant place time doesn't touch. 

* * *

According to the new show trajectory, Sidney remained trapped and couldn't escape his fate. He perished. I won't get into the details because it was such a pathetic way to do away with a hero. It’s hard for me to even write it but so be it—that is their interpretation of the story. In that view, Sidney and Charlotte now enter the great canon of tragic love stories: Romeo & Juliet, Jack & Rose, Rhett & Scarlett and on and on. Sanditon 1 can be viewed as a standalone story, a beautiful, classic love story like Casablanca or Love Story.  New fans will continue to discover Season 1 and fall in love with their story. Just as with our favorite books, we can continuously revisit Season 1 where Sidney Parker is very much alive. We can then still see Sidney and Charlotte on the clifftops where anything is possible. I can guarantee no one will forget Sidney Parker's name.  He is a dynamic character, rich with texture and layers of complexity, and he will be celebrated for years to come.

As for Season 2's bland new suitors, after watching the first episode I can't even remember their names. They blur into eachother as one formless blob, and they will easily be forgotten. As I was watching S2, I felt that any generic suitor would do--as if they used the let's throw spaghetti on the wall and see what sticks method of writing.  This essay isn't meant to be a critique of Season 2 but because Sidney's story is also tied up there, I can't help but comment on it. Unlike Season 1, which I have watched countless times, the first episode of Season 2 was so farcical and felt so glib, I don't think I will ever want to watch it again.

I'm deeply sorry for Charlotte that this spin-off series requires her to settle like this. Don't give me "love after love" bunk. I'll never accept this fictional fate for her. Yes, we all get that reality is harsh and we often don't get our heart's desires. Isn’t that why we turn to fiction? Sanditon envisaged a classic, great love story but this adaptation has devolved into something else unrecognizable. The other aspect that grates on me, is how can a hero who performed uncanny feats in season 1 and an experienced world traveler who survived 10 years in the West Indies suddenly be grounded because “it’s more realistic”. I thought we were watching a fictional love story with the promise that our hero would find a way? Now, we're offered a consolation prize for not winning the race. I don't accept the paltry, participation trophy. I'd rather dream of the ending we all originally wanted.  The wonderful thing about fiction is that the PBS show is just one interpretation. 

The fact is Jane Austen invented a character named Sidney Parker. We only know he is a Parker brother, intended to be a main character of her story The Brothers and he is young, handsome and jovial. It's true we aren't told much about him, only that he was about 27 or 28 and "very good looking, with a decided air of ease and fashion and a lively countenance."  In short, he is full of potential and most likely intended as Charlotte's hero. Anyone can take his story further and most people, I think, can surmise that he belongs with Charlotte, her last heroine.  There on the page, the promise of Sidney remains and he can be brought to life again with just a few pen strokes.  He is preserved in amber--beautiful, joyful, and irrepressible. What a gift.

The Sanditon show imagined a fascinating backstory for Sidney--he was "a man of affairs" who sailed to foreign lands and he was experienced and bruised by life. I'll miss that story and discovering more about him. What backstory will he have next? That is what excites me. His character waits to be painted and brought to life once again in vibrant colors, full of life and energy and I trust that his life will include love--a great, all-encompassing love. The love he deserved and was robbed of in the show.  I'll always be disappointed that the magnetic Andrew Davies/Theo James creation of Sidney didn't get his proper ending. It's like a fine sculpture they crafted and then smashed to bits unable to put the final finishing touches. His story arc was not complete as he still had to choose his own happiness and fight to win Charlotte back. It's almost inconceivable that the character we saw on screen, so fiery and intense and bursting with life could be snuffed out. Could he? Never.

Before the renewal I imagined Sanditon as a large, exquisite but incomplete painting on canvas, put away in a dusty storage closet perhaps to re-emerge years later to be finished.  But now, it's as if they took out the canvas, threw it on the floor and kicked and stamped on it until it was entirely broken. They aimed to dismantle the very thing we loved. What's more, in every interview and treatment, they attempted to pretend the main narrative never even existed, that it was a brief "starter" romance as if we were blind fools. I preferred knowing the canvas was tucked safely away to be finished later. 

But no matter what the screen shows--and they never did or could show a lifeless Sidney--he lives in our minds.  So we'll wait for new stories, new Sidney’s, new actors to bring him to life. 

The new Sanditon being presented in a thin, pastel Easter egg shell of a package doesn't look or feel much like the dark, ornate, windswept show that took my breath away. Out of curiosity and hoping for some kind of closure, I watched a preview last week but I felt emotionally disconnected and numb to it. When I heard the familiar theme music and saw the opening montage, I opened the door to a house I thought I knew so well but I couldn't walk in because the first thing I saw is the floor was missing. There is no foundation to this house without Sidney. They try to show off the amenities: a slick coat of paint, new, candy-colored, toy-like sets and a slew of random characters. Within the first few minutes, which appeared hastily done and felt like dunking our heads in a tub of ice water to make the point that our hero is gone, I knew it was no longer a home for me. You're supposed to emerge from the icy baptismal waters ready for a new life and Charlotte’s new adventures. Instead, it completely severed any tie I might have to the new season. It's lost the binding thread. I have shut the door now on the tv adaptation. I don't wish to enter. 

This is not to say other people won't find enjoyment with it. They will. Charlotte certainly pulled me into season 1, but it was Sidney who kept me invested in the story. I think I related to Sidney more because I've always felt a sort of outlier myself. Charlotte is almost universally liked and now drawn as hyper-excelling in nearly everything she pursues (foreign languages, geography, rescuing young children from being trampled and so on). In her Super Woman perfection she's become less relatable.  I'd like to root for Charlotte but I don't truly recognize her. I can't get in formation simply because I'm told to and especially not if I'm screamed at to do so. My emotions don't change as capriciously as the shifting of sand under barefeet or to whichever way the wind blows. It's a blessing and a curse I suppose. Of course, it'd be more fun to join in on season 2 giddiness and go along with the crowd, but I'm an intensely loyal person (even to a fictional character) and I simply can't fake it. So why do I keep writing about a story that is now over? I suppose I'm in some sort of mourning. I feel as if I've mourned Sidney much more than anyone I saw on screen. My loyalty is not to one actor, crew person or one production.  I am loyal to the story of Charlotte and Sidney and all the promise that Jane Austen's brief fragment held. The PBS show has been butchered beyond recognition. But it won’t be the only telling of Sanditon. 

Now our imaginations are free to conjure new stories for these characters. I think any adaptation of Sanditon should remain committed to Austen’s original characters. After all, Sidney was one of the last she imagined. How beautiful and heartbreaking to know in such ill health, with little time left, she could imagine a dashing new love.  Perhaps despite everything, she still held hope in her heart and clung to the grand idea of possibility. How precious it is to believe. We can't let anyone take the act of faith from us. How brave and humbling it is to believe in the promise of tomorrow. I think it is more poignant to me, having discovered the show close to the age Austen was when she died, to imagine my own life being cut off so prematurely before I could marry or have children or even see the enduring success of my life's work. So that is the beginning and end of the story—you must keep her characters alive.  

I thought of them writing this beautiful character out so permanently, so unnecessarily and so cruelly and it gutted me. Let's be honest-- a lonely, painful death abroad married to a woman he didn't love, is not a respectful farewell to a hero. It was spitting in his face and kicking the door shut.  I thought about how unfair it is to everyone who loved this character to have to say goodbye to him in this sloppy, cheap way (it may have been all of 2 minutes if that). It pained me that a wooden Charlotte barely seemed to register the loss especially when she's first told the devastating news from Mary. We never see her deeply immersed in her grief, at least in Ep. 1. It looked to me like she was paying condolences to a mere acquaintance--not the man she wished to marry. I would've imagined her sobbing and falling to her knees. Later, she lights a candle, she sheds a few tears. I felt like I didn't know her.  Her sister giggles away and immediately pushes new men at her. Allison's laugh is as grating as nails on a chalkboard.  

I haven't felt a true honoring of Sidney. The words from the 2000 film "Gladiator" echoed in my mind afterward and I could simply replace Sanditon for Rome and Sidney for Russell Crowe's General Maximus. I'd like to see Charlotte once again serve as the moral compass. She should stand in command like the emperor's sister Lucilla and admonish his negligent family, especially Tom, and the townsfolk so ready to forget him:

"Is Rome worth one good man's life? We believed it once. Make us believe it again. He was a soldier of Rome. Honor him."

That's what I wanted to shout at the screen after viewing Sanditon 2. Sidney did his duty. He was the soldier you all needed. He saved Sanditon. Now honor him.

Instead, they seemed to want to demote Sidney's hero status rather quickly with the brief opening montage and lack of depthful expressions of mourning. They turn to the revelry of parades, picnics, and hot air balloons in subsequent episodes. What was Sidney's sacrifice for to be forgotten in this crass way? 

Yet still, I imagine brave Sidney like Maximus heading into battle saying, "Brothers, what we do in life echoes into eternity." How true. Sidney Parker lives on in his own Elysian Fields, the mystical resting place for heroic and virtuous souls . 

* * * 

Since I had learned prior about their plans to write Sidney out, I had been thinking on the idea of grief. As Sanditon always does, it made me reach for other stories. I remembered scenes from none other than Steel Magnolias. The film about 6 modern, Southern belles couldn't be more different but it comforts me. It captures those intense feelings of loss that I've been swirling around for months now. In the film, the close group of friends must cope with the death of one of their own. The feeling of losing someone senselessly, in the prime of their life resonated and left an empty, echoing pit in my stomach.  I know it's just a story and it shouldn't affect us so deeply perhaps, but this is the aching pain that I was hovering around as I tried to understand why the loss of this character bothered me so much and why this loss has lingered. I think it's because it is the devastating and bitter loss of possibility, of promise, of youth. And the finality of that loss. 

Perhaps those who implore others to move on can't understand this feeling or simply don't choose to engage with it further. It's certainly not a fun place to be. It can be frightening at times and a story is just a story after all. But it touched me and I've felt the need to marinate on it, especially since Sidney's own friends and family on screen don't seem particularly affected by his absence in the new season. It's all very casual and life just marches on as if he is just a footnote. It's as if he never sacrificed his future for them. There are a few tearful scenes that in my view almost looked like a parody. I know the actors are skilled but the performances left me so confused. Even my dear Arthur who cried for Sidney looked clownish doing so. There was no raw, heartfelt emotion--it was all glossed over quickly as if checking off a box on a to-do list: Show grief. Checkmark. 

Like Charlotte, I grew up in a very large family. I have 8 brothers and sisters. If any of them were to pass my grief would be indescribable. I tremble at the thought.  My brothers and sisters are so much a part of my identity, I can only liken this kind of massive loss to losing a limb. The awareness of the gaping hole will always be there.  I couldn't even begin to imagine that just 9 months later I would have moved on from my grief. Not possible. I cringed watching those artificial scenes.

The first episode was an absurd piece of television and I often felt I'd been transported to another world and not in a good way. It was a Twilight Zone experience. The episode moved so quickly and the characters all felt fickle. I didn't feel an authentic representation of grief and perhaps that would've helped me accept the new show. Despite many comedic moments, Sanditon 1 at its heart was sophisticated and full of depth. The new season has started off as a soap opera "lite" version--we swim along the surface with an ensemble cast.

This is why I found respite in thinking about Steel Magnolias. The film allows you to truly immerse in grief, to be enveloped in that quiet but commanding space in which you can say goodbye to someone and come out on the other side with a heightened experience. The protagonist M'Lynn has a powerful scene just after she's lost her beloved daughter Shelby well before her time:  "I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh God. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life."

How humbling and graceful this scene is. I get chills when I read those words...the awe and wonder of seeing life given and taken. M'lynn truly honored her daughter and her uniqueness with those words. There will never be another Shelby. Then I thought about the funeral scene where timid but faithful Annelle, a woman of few words, talks to M'Lynn and tells her how she gets through something like this.  Her words of wisdom about Shelby surprisingly comfort a grieving M'Lynn:  

"She went on to a place where she could be a guardian angel. She will always be young, she will always be beautiful. And I personally feel much safer knowing she's up there on my side."

That's the line that captured me--he will always be young, he will always be beautiful... 

He will always be strong. 

He will always be. 

Sidney, that wonderful creature, will always be. 

In Steel Magnolias, Shelby knowingly sacrificed her body to become a mother. She knew the risks of getting pregnant given her health condition but she plowed ahead to have her son. And she didn't regret the year she spent being his mother. It was a joy like no other. But it stole her strength and ravaged her body. It was bittersweet. She gave her life for the son she always wanted.

What did Sidney really sacrifice himself for in this long, drawn out misery of his life in PBS's Sanditon? He had no warning about Tom's reckless behavior and his failure to insure the buildings. So he was forced to sacrifice himself for his foolish, selfish older brother and to save his family. Sidney only enjoyed a few brief weeks of fleeting happiness as he was falling in love with Charlotte and when he felt the promise of what their life could be together.  I felt that early in season 1, during the scene of Charlotte and Sidney's beach walk that he could already see a future with her when they both walked contentedly in "companionable silence" with the pleasure of anticipation.  As the season and their journey progressed, he was scared and excited and ready to give his heart and his hand to her completely. He was ready as he said in his last happy moment at the Midsummer's Ball, during his near proposal, "to put himself in someone else's power." To his Charlotte. 

Then the Sanditon show writers chose to take a gamble and detonate a bomb. We were left with such unnecessary and flagrant loss. So whatever dream world I'll retreat to, I don't move forward with the current PBS adaptation. My sheer stubbornness and my wild imagination ensure that I will never accept the new show as a continuation of the original story. The show is just a flimsy stand-in now.

I think of the hundreds of fan fictions plotting endless ways to reunite them and wonder why a team of professionals couldn't dare to dream this way. I will never understand it despite hearing the various explanations. I can't rip out the soul of a story over a technicality. 

I think of Lana Del Rey's haunting song "Young and Beautiful" in which she mournfully sings, "Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?"  I have no doubt, Sidney would love Charlotte and Charlotte would love Sidney unconditionally even if they were reunited a decade or two from now. If only the showrunners had the creativity and gumption to pursue a path that would stick to the intended story, perhaps with a Persuasion style plot reuniting them a decade later. I could always imagine Sidney at sea once more trying to escape the shackles of his life and then returning again.

So despite the utter sadness of the loss of the show which I treasured at one time, and being forced to say goodbye to such a dynamic character, it is not final. I can still see Sidney clear as day now. He's got a confident ease with a slight smile, the sea breeze tousling his brown curls, and he says to Charlotte as he did during the cricket game, “we play on.” 

Over a year ago, knowing that Sidney was trapped so painfully in an unthinkable situation, I ended my Stallion essay with hope, writing: “Sidney Parker, our prized stallion, must be freed. He will ride on.” 

Sidney is no longer trapped. He is no longer in pain. He is not gone.

Sidney Parker, our prized stallion, is free now. He rides on.                                                                 

*** 

In tribute to Sidney, I share three favorite poems and Lana Del Rey's "Young and Beautiful" song below. Del Rey's lyrics echo in my heart, "Hot summer nights, mid-July, When you and I were forever wild...And all the ways I got to know your pretty face and electric soul..." 

I like to imagine Sidney and Charlotte young and free having fun together that summer with a boundless future ahead. Their electric souls like magnets pulling eachother in despite their differences. They were compatible like two jagged puzzle pieces--taken alone only telling part of the story but fitting together to make a full picture, filling in the parts where the other one lacked. They'd have an ease with each other and affection when the cold and gray of winter set in too. 

I imagine them in their elderly years, living in their cliffside Sanditon home with the windows overlooking the crashing waves. I imagine them feeling the invigorating chill in the air as they huddle together near a fire holding hands, sharing books, sharing memories, sharing laughs. They are content. They take care of eachother. The have raised their children together as true and equal partners and their children are grown now and living their own lives. Sidney and Charlotte find even more joy in their children's children and talk about their adventures and remember their own restless youths. They remember how they crashed together, were pulled apart and then crashed back together again. 

 

***

Somewhere else, in a place where time stands still, I imagine them on a beach walk. The future wide open before them like the endless, sparkling sea, full of possibility.

 

And here they are now, peacefully nestled in my mind's eye, where I'll keep them safe. Forever and always.  

 

*** 

“Away" by James Whitcomb Riley

I cannot say, and I will not say
That he is dead. He is just away

With a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand
He has wandered into an unknown land,

And left us dreaming how very fair
It needs must be, since he lingers there.

And you- O you, who the wildest yearn
For the old-time step and the glad return- ,

Think of him faring on, as dear
In the love of There as the love of Here;

And loyal still, as he gave the blows
Of his warrior-strength to his country’s foes- .

Mild and gentle, as he was brave- ,
When the sweetest love of his life he gave

To simple things- : Where the violets grew
Blue as the eyes they were likened to,

The touches of his hands have strayed
As reverently as his lips have prayed:

When the little brown thrush that harshly chirred
Was dear to him as the mocking-bird;

And he pitied as much as a man in pain
A writhing honey-bee wet with rain- .

Think of him still as the same, I say:

He is not dead- he is just away

***

"Fern Hill" by Dylan Thomas

Now as I was young and easy under the apple boughs
About the lilting house and happy as the grass was green,
     The night above the dingle starry,
          Time let me hail and climb
     Golden in the heydays of his eyes,
And honoured among wagons I was prince of the apple towns
And once below a time I lordly had the trees and leaves
          Trail with daisies and barley
     Down the rivers of the windfall light.

And as I was green and carefree, famous among the barns
About the happy yard and singing as the farm was home,
     In the sun that is young once only,
          Time let me play and be
     Golden in the mercy of his means,
And green and golden I was huntsman and herdsman, the calves
Sang to my horn, the foxes on the hills barked clear and cold,
          And the sabbath rang slowly
     In the pebbles of the holy streams.

All the sun long it was running, it was lovely, the hay
Fields high as the house, the tunes from the chimneys, it was air
     And playing, lovely and watery
          And fire green as grass.
     And nightly under the simple stars
As I rode to sleep the owls were bearing the farm away,
All the moon long I heard, blessed among stables, the nightjars
     Flying with the ricks, and the horses
          Flashing into the dark.

And then to awake, and the farm, like a wanderer white
With the dew, come back, the cock on his shoulder: it was all
     Shining, it was Adam and maiden,
          The sky gathered again
     And the sun grew round that very day.
So it must have been after the birth of the simple light
In the first, spinning place, the spellbound horses walking warm
     Out of the whinnying green stable
          On to the fields of praise.

And honoured among foxes and pheasants by the gay house
Under the new made clouds and happy as the heart was long,
     In the sun born over and over,
          I ran my heedless ways,
     My wishes raced through the house high hay
And nothing I cared, at my sky blue trades, that time allows
In all his tuneful turning so few and such morning songs
     Before the children green and golden
          Follow him out of grace,

Nothing I cared, in the lamb white days, that time would take me
Up to the swallow thronged loft by the shadow of my hand,
     In the moon that is always rising,
          Nor that riding to sleep
     I should hear him fly with the high fields
And wake to the farm forever fled from the childless land.
Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means,
          Time held me green and dying
     Though I sang in my chains like the sea.

***

 “But Not Forgotten” by Dorothy Parker 

I think, no matter where you stray,
That I shall go with you a way.

Though you may wander sweeter lands,
You will not soon forget my hands,

Nor yet the way I held my head,
Nor all the tremulous things I said.

You still will see me, small and white
And smiling, in the secret night,

And feel my arms about you when
The day comes fluttering back again.

I think, no matter where you be,
You'll hold me in your memory

And keep my image, there without me,
By telling later loves about me.

* * *

Young and Beautiful

Lana Del Rey

https://youtu.be/wWrNIisuGqI

I've seen the world
Done it all, had my cake now
Diamonds, brilliant, and Bel-Air now
Hot summer nights, mid-July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, the city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child

Will you still love me
When I'm no longer, young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me
When I'm no longer beautiful?

I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will

I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now
Channeling angels in, the new age now
Hot summer days, rock and roll
The way you'd play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul

Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me
When I'm no longer beautiful?

I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will

I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will

 

 

 

 

The Past Is Never Dead: A Tribute to Sanditon's Charlotte & Sidney

"The past is never dead. It's not even past."--William Faulkner

Requiem for a Nun is the source of one of Faulkner's most well- known quotes: “The past is never dead. It's not even past.”  I've been thinking about this quote a lot as I think about the concept of "moving on." 

In April, just a few weeks before we got the incredible news that Sanditon had miraculously been renewed, I wrote an essay imagining how Sidney Parker would propose to Charlotte Heywood, and after all the promising crumbs we were getting online I held a glimmer of hope this would actually come to pass. I was filled with joy writing this essay because I truly believed I'd be seeing the proposal on screen and seeing this beloved story finally fulfilled. The show had taken on a life of its own for me. 

On the early morning of May 6th, I was over the moon when my friend shared the news about the renewal. She's on the east coast and I'm on the west coast so I was bleary-eyed as I took it all in online and then I was overjoyed. We'd been participating in the fan campaign for almost a year and talking about Sanditon in one way, shape, or form nearly every day.

There was one aspect of the renewal notice on PBS that left me ill at ease. The press release focused entirely on Charlotte Heywood with no mention of the co-lead, Sidney Parker. I tried to explain it away but given the fact the actor portraying him hadn't expressed any desire to return to the show since the cancellation, I couldn't shake this one ominous cloud hovering overhead. I remembered how Rose Williams also hadn't mentioned her co-star's name or even written the name Sidney during her turn at a Twitter episode re-watch earlier in the year. With so many pivotal scenes between them in the episode, I found it odd and even rude at the time she didn't acknowledge him. How could she dismiss her co-star? But deep down I knew something was off.

The next day, on May 7 we got the dagger in the heart news in a separate press release that Sidney Parker wasn't returning. I can't even convey how devastated I was. I won't get into the callousness of the press release, the bumbling PR move of doing the good news/bad news back to back, or the arrogant statement from the actor clamping shut the door on Sidney's journey as if he owned a character invented by Jane Austen. I know it's not logical, but I was so invested in the story I felt like I'd just been informed a loved one had suddenly passed. At a difficult time during the height of the pandemic in 2020, this fictional love story had affected me so deeply that the news felt like a punch to the gut. I was sad and low energy in the days that followed. I knew I should process my feelings by writing about what had happened but I couldn't even bring myself to write.

So finally, nearly 5 months later, I'm trying to process it all. It hurts knowing I wrote all these Sanditon-inspired blogs in vain for a story that will remain unfinished in my eyes. I had put so much energy into trying to wish the show back by sheer willpower. It was like wishing for something as a kid and really expecting it to happen the tighter you squeeze your eyes shut in anticipation. I don't know how I feel about Sanditon 2 or 3 as I haven't viewed them yet and don't know much aside from the reveal of the new cast and a brief synopsis. I was underwhelmed by the replacement love interests who seem more like background players. None of them made an impression on me just based on headshots and character descriptions. It all feels very bland, generic and forced. It's not fair to judge them without seeing them act first but I can honestly say I felt as if I was reading about an entirely different show being launched. It doesn't seem connected to Sanditon at all and in some ways the show seems to have gone the way of other doomed TV series by having "jumped the shark". I know the showrunners tried hard to stay relevant but they've lost the essence by burying the original narrative. I can only view it as an entirely separate spin-off. 

Sanditon was intended to be the love story between opposites Charlotte and Sidney interwoven with the development of a new seaside resort built by entrepreneurs and industrialists. Let's remember Austen's original title for her novel in the making was "The Brothers". She wanted to explore this industry and entrepreneurialism and Sidney "a man of affairs" was her original character. Now there's a heavy emphasis on the military, a strategy also known as: "bring in the boys". I don't feel excited thinking about Charlotte with a new guy, truthfully it makes me feel nauseous. I have a visceral, physical reaction against it which is why it's unlikely I'll be able to watch S2 at least when it's first out. It's just too painful.

Though I want to root for the cast and crew and appreciate the hard work that went into resurrecting a canceled show, I am coming to terms with the fact that the magic is gone for me. I only speak for myself here--the light went out for me. Lightning doesn't strike twice in the same spot. And what we had with Charlotte and Sidney was a massive lightning bolt of electricity that left our skin smoking from the spark.

I still remain on the fan discussion boards on social media as I will always love Sanditon 1. I've found friends in real life as we've bonded over the show. But I also see a great deal of negativity online from fans who wish to block any opposing viewpoints.  They have a relentless, soulless and exhausting mantra:  "Move On". "Forget Sidney." "Don't discuss the main storyline of Season 1, the thing that brought us all here and united thousands of strangers all over the globe". For over a year, we shared a common vision, sharing a petition on Change.org specifically asking for Charlotte and Sidney's story to be resolved with an HEA yet now we're told to suddenly forget them even by the very same fans that supported them for so long.  It's illogical. I understand that for some fans this is their coping mechanism—look forward, don't look back. 

But the constant badgering to adhere to this new party line seems like an indoctrination from some pretend governing force. This politicization of a story has been mentally and emotionally draining. Some fans demand a sort of group think: we must all in unison think and say only happy thoughts about Season 2 and 3 and fawn over the new cast. I'm not a lemming and I've never mindlessly followed what anyone told me. I think and reason for myself.  As we all should. Sanditon 2 feels like an imposter to me and I need to allow myself to feel that and sit in it.  It's okay to feel it and still love Sanditon.  I don't care who tries to force down our throats that Jane might've intended Sidney as Charlotte's Willoughby. This is a bait and switch and I'll never buy it.  I know my own mind and how a story impacts me. This badgering won't help in making viewers invested in Sanditon 1 feel welcome in returning and giving 2 a chance.

The powers that be and indeed many fans have attempted to gaslight and rewrite the narrative of Season 1, trying to suggest that the intended hero of Sanditon, Sidney Parker was somehow a cad who was unworthy of Charlotte's love. We know full well the story was stopped midway and the intent was always to bring them back together. It’s a ludicrous revisionist history. In an interview after the show was canceled, Executive Producer Belinda Campbell stated: "Of course Sidney will find a way, he's our hero." Likewise, the original PBS show description noted that "Sanditon tells the story of the joyously impulsive, spirited and unconventional Charlotte Heywood and her relationship with the humorous, charming (and slightly wild!) Sidney Parker." And then the great Sanditon show creator, Andrew Davies stated afterward: "Sidlotte must happen." Charlotte and Sidney. Clear as day they are a team. These two are the heart of Sanditon.

Some fans now aim to bury this love story and pretend it never existed. It's absurd to me and also terribly, terribly sad that after so long of trying to save a beautiful show centered around a timeless love story, the same people now try to obliterate it. They also aim to manipulate the storyline to make it seem the hero was not really worthy of Charlotte because he chose money over love, or that perhaps the two characters didn't even really love eachother after all.

How absurd to try and pretend the thing you loved never was, how truly sad. This is a strategy that will never prevail. The past can't be buried or changed and you can't silence it. 

The other strategy used to vanquish Season 1 is suggesting that now we have the opportunity for a more realistic conclusion, where Sidney is forced to marry for money and Charlotte doesn't end up with the man who first took her breath away. To this notion, I can only shake my head in dismay. When reading novels or watching films, I'm not demanding to be immersed in hard doses of reality. Especially with romance, I'm looking to be lifted up high for a chance to see everything my heart could desire and imagine. I want the sun, moon and stars. I want fireworks. In short, I want everything possible in the universe-- because there are no limits with fiction. We can dream as big and bold as we wish and fly right next to the sun. Why should our wings be clipped solely for a technicality?  Why on earth should we ever have to settle with fiction? I won't--I'd rather not read the story if it means settling. There are countless others to read. 

Fate wasn't on the side of Sanditon as we know from the get-go ITV bungled its release and promotion and canceled it before it even aired in the US. By creating the tragic cliffhanger that failed, the showrunners took a gamble to string out what could've been a one-shot season, true to form for other Austen adaptations with an HEA.

Yet none of this changes the fact that both Sidney and Charlotte are essential to Sanditon. Sanditon the show was intended as the love story of these two opposite but kindred spirits challenging each other, finding common ground, bringing out the best in each other and falling in love along the way. Now there's a whole army of new men, quite literally being thrown at Charlotte and being thrown at us viewers. Yes, it takes 5 men to try and fill Sidney's shoes and let’s be honest, they all pale in comparison. Our Charlotte and Sidney are still trapped in amber, waiting for someone to properly finish their story. I'll wait for it. Because true love never dies.

It hit me suddenly when I realized that in everyone's attempt to bury Sidney Parker-- from the actor playing him to the showrunners and fans spinning revisionist history-- they're all trying to do the impossible. You simply can't erase history.  Perhaps some may hold residual anger toward Theo James for derailing the story by dragging away our beloved character. They conflate him with Sidney. But the actor, while brilliantly bringing Sidney to life and hooking so many of us (and I'll always appreciate that) isn't the character.  Once created, a character lives on. Characters live in our hearts and minds because books and films bring them to life. Therein lies their magic. Once read, a story can live in your mind's eye forever. Certain life moments will make feelings and memories rush back and we can envision other possibilities and ponder them.

Some realists are happy to never discuss Sidney again. They may feel stronger or more well-adjusted emotionally by jumping into the new series without looking back. They mock others for "clinging to the past" and say to get over it.  As someone who has been fascinated by history, old photographs, documentaries, museums and books since I was a child, I have one response.  When driving you still need to look back in the rearview mirror to keep things in perspective as you move forward.

There is no expiration date on grief. You do move on, but you don't ever forget. Moving on from grief often is not a straight line. It's a circuitous path, and years later you may find yourself feeling emotions as fresh as the day of your loss.

***

In arguments for the re-booting of Sanditon in the upcoming season, some cite how Downton Abbey lost the character of Matthew Crawley when Dan Stevens walked away and the show pivoted successfully. But Downton was much more of an ensemble show than Sanditon, which was designed more as a singular love story. Look at Downton's promo cast picture, 20 deep and compare it to a Sanditon series promo shot of just Charlotte and Sidney dancing in golden light or walking on the beach at dusk. Still, I say the lifeblood drained from Downton after Matthew's departure. It was never the same but Downton could evolve because it was designed as a large ensemble show. I watched the remaining seasons out of curiosity but I wasn't emotionally invested at all. It's a franchise that generates an enormous amount of money and I'm sure Sanditon would like to follow in those footsteps. The formula is: Erase Season 1 + start from scratch with a plethora of new men= attract new viewers. Bingo. So they rewrite the show copy and eliminate any images of Sidney. One dagger after another.

As many devoted Sidlotters have mentioned in their own posts, Sidney's transformation was actually the most important development of the show or at least equally important to Charlotte’s development. I completely agree. Now we're told by PBS and showrunners that it was always Charlotte's story.  But we know better. It was always both of their stories about how they spurred each other to grow, but shown through Charlotte's eyes as all Austen stories are told through the female protagonist. Another one of my favorite quotes about history is from Cicero: “To remain ignorant of history is to remain forever a child." We're not kids here. We know what we saw with our own eyes. 

***

In an interview, Rose Williams imagined what she hoped for Charlotte after the abrupt and heartbreaking conclusion of Sanditon. She imagined her character much like Rose from the film Titanic, looking back at the beautiful moments of her life, all her accomplishments, all she was able to go on to do, because Jack Dawson the love of her life helped set her free. She survived and was grateful for the life she lived.

Well, I realized that Sidney is like Jack Dawson then in that he changed Charlotte's life forever. And no one can pretend he didn't exist or diminish the impact he had on her. It wasn't just a summer romance or fleeting first love. What a shallow, reductive way to view it.  Some people touch your life forever and alter its course irreversibly even if it's only a brief connection to them. Those can be the most powerful relationships of our lives. Love doesn't die, it transforms.

At the end of Titanic, as an old woman reflecting on her life and experience on the doomed ship, Rose is asked if there's any trace or remnant of Jack Dawson and she says: "No, there wouldn't be, would there? And I've never spoken of him until now. Not to anyone. Not even your grandfather. A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. But now you know there was a man named Jack Dawson, and that he saved me in every way that a person can be saved. I don't even have a picture of him. He exists now only in my memory."

When I think of this quote, I always get chills. There is power in acknowledging someone's impact on your life even if they are no longer there.  It reminds me of Charlotte and Sidney. Did Sidney save Charlotte from living a trapped life? Perhaps not, but he did physically save her life in London and that's equally important. Charlotte was already a brave, spirited young woman, but Sidney spurred her to grow to become a stronger, more creative, and confident woman and to also become her best self.

She was unsure of herself despite her beauty and talent and she was naive, too blunt and even childish in her judgments before. He showed her not to make snap judgments and to get to know people fully. It's a huge life lesson and alters the course of her life. Upon leaving, she calls her time in Sanditon the greatest adventure of her life and says she has no regrets. She opened her heart to love and she was changed for the better.

***

Though my 12-year-old self waited for it for so long, squeezing my eyes shut as tight as could be to wish on that star, Season 2 just isn't my thing. I can't feel genuinely excited about something that looks like a synthetic shell that's lost its inner essence.  I can't promise that I won't watch at some point. But I don't feel compelled to. I'm not excited about Sanditon 2 and feel no calling towards it. The spell has been broken. I accept that Season 1 was the show that touched me and that despite my many years working in the publishing business, it was the show that inspired me to write creatively again and to truly connect with fiction again and lose myself in a story. This is precious to me because I thought I'd lost that spark due to the daily grind of working for a major publisher, the constant pressure of working on books trying to make them bestsellers and in the day to day busyness of becoming a mom. I'll always appreciate Sanditon for this, for sweeping me away creatively.  The show helped me also connect with like-minded strangers over the internet, as I re-watched it countless times. There was magic in it.  In fact, as the months have gone on I've become less and less interested in watching Sanditon 2 and the contrived, brow-beating campaign by a core group of S2 cheerleading fans has only pushed me further away rather than convince me that it's worth watching. It just seems like one big, sad exercise in the act of settling for less than all our hearts desired. I'm sure I'm not alone here. 

Where do I go from here? We know there is a whole new entourage entering Sanditon and that they will attempt to placate the largely female audience. Throwing "new hotties" at Charlotte isn't what I had in mind for Season 2. I have zero interest in looking at head shots of different actors.  To be perfectly honest, I don't even find any of the new romantic leads attractive. Just my opinion here, but I see them as fillers. I was interested in the traditional Austen love story and that's what I was campaigning for. I wish the new cast and production well and maybe I will visit with them from time to time, but my passion, my obsession has most likely run its course. I've never uttered "Sanditon is Saved" because it doesn't feel genuine for me. It wasn't really saved because it's missing the heart and soul of its primary narrative. For all intents and purposes, Season 2 is an altogether different period drama--one that is a bit Frankensteinian in how it was patched together. I admire their grit in trying against all odds, but I must accept they couldn't revive the Sanditon I fell in love with. 

But some form of the show goes on, so to me it will be an alternate universe version of Sanditon. It's an offshoot.  I will never accept it in my heart or mind as the conclusion of the story and frankly had I known Sidney wouldn't return I certainly wouldn't have campaigned for a year. I was motivated by that particular story. It was never just about Charlotte or the town for me.

It doesn't matter how the surrounding logistics--ITV's cancellation, the Covid pandemic, the lead actor abandoning the character of Sidney--dealt this fatal blow to the continuation.  Characters in stories live on through time. So we can always keep discussing Sidney and Charlotte. There is no cut-off point on talking about something you love.  There are endless layers still to be explored in a timeless love story and I put Sidney and Charlotte in the canon right along with Darcy & Elizabeth, Captain Wentworth & Anne, Rhett & Scarlett, Romeo & Juliet. Some had tragic ends but the key word here is timeless. They are soulmates.  They live on in our imaginations. 

***

I looked for some solace to deal with the sad Sanditon news and picked up a novelization published in the 70s. When I finished reading Another Lady's continuation of Sanditon it was like a balm. Her novel is joyful and light. The anonymous author made several excellent points in her post script. 1. Charlotte is the heroine. 2. Sidney is the intended hero. 3. Austen didn't depict deaths . 4. She didn't include calamities. To ensure "the integrity" of Austen's work and ensuring an HEA, Another Lady knew Sidney and Charlotte had to be united. She doesn't focus so much on plot but on the intended end goal. There is less action in the book than the PBS show and Sidney is markedly different, charming and confident, not brooding or needing to evolve. Charlotte seems more mature and not quite so plucky as she is in the show.

But I didn't mind and now think it'd be exciting to see this version adapted to film perhaps with extra plot for dramatic effect and weaving in some characteristics from the show, such as showing Sidney evolve and more of the push and pull between him and Charlotte.  But I realized I don't need the extra character of Eliza or the last minute fire just to throw in chaos.  It seems evident that any adaptation would naturally bring Charlotte and Sidney together and it's heartbreaking that Sanditon the show which started with such promise will veer off in such an unnatural way due to a technicality. It is now the exception and very Un-Austen like. So much for preserving the integrity of her spirit. 

I know my blog might ruffle feathers with certain fans in the "move on" camp but I didn't write it for them--I wrote this solely for me. I'm not trying to insult season 2 or bring anyone down. This is my way of processing and perhaps it's helpful for someone else standing at the shore of season 1 waiting for their ship to come in too.

Memory is a powerful thing.  Even if there is trauma in your past you have to deal with it, talk about it, and acknowledge it to move forward. Burying it doesn't work.  And when a loved one dies (who knows what they are planning for Sidney's departure at this stage--I dread thinking about it), we know that love doesn't die. It might change form but it’s present like the air. It encompasses us. It's a warm embrace on a cold day. 

I stay in the Sanditon community because of my love of Season 1 and because I've made good friends here in real life through talking about the show. I value that so I wouldn't let anyone tell me or anyone else to get off fan chat groups because some of us still want to talk about the primary story which was the catalyst for all of this passion.

I still hope for an 11th hour miracle to save the direction of the Masterpiece show, but yes perhaps the sun has truly set on PBS's Sanditon and that ship has sailed. I'll always treasure Season 1 as a standalone work of art and I'll wait for my ship to come in. One day another determined and creative team will bring the story of Charlotte and Sidney to life and show us their reunion. I'll grieve that it wasn't Andrew Davies' and Justin Young's vision and performed by the incredible original cast, starring Theo James and Rose Williams. But my true love is storytelling and I will embrace a new vision for Sidney and Charlotte. Surely another adaptation will come as the works of Austen have proven to be massively commercially successful and they keep generating new interest. As of this blog writing, I know of another published author Rose Servitova working on her own Sanditon adaptation and promising an HEA for Sidney and Charlotte. 

As Stephen Hawking said, “The past, like the future, is indefinite and exists only as a spectrum of possibilities."  The story of Charlotte and Sidney wasn't finished and so endless possibilities remain. That still excites me.

Charlotte and Sidney will always be the beating heart of Sanditon. They are the two wings of the dove--both needed for flight. They will in time circle the sun together. Preserved in amber, they are timeless and just waiting to be released by our own imaginations. 

In Tribute to Charlotte & Sidney 

"I'll Never Love Again." 

-Sung by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper from the film Shallow 

Wish I could, I could've said goodbye

I would've said what I wanted to

Maybe even cried for you

If I knew it would be the last time

I would've broke my heart in two

Tryna save a part of you

 

Don't wanna feel another touch

Don't wanna start another fire

Don't wanna know another kiss

No other name fallin' off my lips

Don't wanna give my heart away

To another stranger

Or let another day begin

Won't even let the sunlight in

No, I'll never love again

I'll never love again,

 

When we first met

I never thought that I would fall

I never thought that I'd find myself

Lying in your arms,

And I wanna pretend that it's not true

Oh, baby, that you're gone

'Cause my world keeps turnin', and turnin', and turnin'

And I'm not movin' on

 

Don't wanna feel another touch

Don't wanna start another fire

Don't wanna know another kiss

No other name fallin' off my lips

Don't wanna give my heart away

To another stranger

Or let another day begin

Won't even let the sunlight in

No, I'll never love

I don't wanna know this feeling

Unless it's you and me

 

I don't wanna waste a moment,

And I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me

I would rather wait for you,

Don't wanna feel another touch

Don't wanna start another fire

Don't wanna know another kiss

Baby, unless they are your lips

Don't wanna give my heart away

To another stranger

Don't let another day begin

Won't let the sunlight in

 

Oh, I'll never love again

Never love again

Never love again

Oh, I'll never love again