The Golden Ball and the Green Light: A consideration of Sanditon Ep. 6

 

Just when I think I couldn't possibly have anything else to write about Sanditon, something starts gnawing at me. This is why the show has been such an obsession for me over the last 6 months. It's a well of ideas, inspiration, and feelings. It doesn't stop flowing and regenerating. That's why I love it so much. 

So, when I thought I might be ready to go back to the original purpose of this blog to write about books, I was pulled back to the show. I was reading a story that rubbed me the wrong way. In it, Sidney is still hung up on Eliza, seeking her out and plotting to get back together with her. All the while we saw him slowly falling in love with Charlotte each episode, somehow in this story he was going home pining over Eliza. This notion grated on me like nails on a chalk board. Of course, everyone is free to interpret the show however they wish or write any story their imagination conjures, but I just couldn't fathom this scenario.

Similarly, that's why the penultimate scene of Episode 6 in what I call the Golden Ball, distresses me because it seems so out of character for Sidney.  Mrs. Maudley's rout in London takes place in that magical golden-hued ballroom full of candlelight and romance where Sidney and Charlotte start to realize they have fallen for eachother. Watching them dance, you can see they are both under an intoxicating love spell. Yet, just seconds after the dance ends, Sidney looks away and is stunned when he sees Eliza.  He excuses himself immediately and makes a beeline toward Eliza, approaching her with a serious face. But when she turns to him, shockingly to me, he gives her a pearly white grin. It's a little sheepish, a little boyish and it has never made sense to me. Quite frankly, it's a conundrum! It's so out of place after the sacred dance with Charlotte it almost seems sacrilegious. It may be the scene that hurts to watch the most aside from the heartbreak of Ep. 8's clifftop goodbye and Sidney telling Charlotte he’s engaged. 

The first time I watched the end of the dance, I was simply confused. We don't get to hear Sidney's conversation with Eliza, but Sidney's smiling at her like a lovesick puppy burns my senses.  Now that I have invested so deeply into these characters and feel I know them, I find the ending of Episode 6 so jarring, so blood-boiling, I have to fast-forward it.

But I think I've found a reason why  Sidney's behavior was so confounding in those few moments. At the Golden ball, Sidney saw his green light. Jay Gatsby from The Great Gatsby was also entranced by a woman who had become a symbol for everything he strived for--which was to elevate himself in society and capture the lost love from his youth. The green light represented Daisy and she in turn represented Gatsby's blind ambition. 

I think Eliza had been Sidney's green light--a symbol of love and comfort and youth he was reaching back for. That is, until he met Charlotte and she presented real love rather than a murky reflection. Charlotte was tangible rather than a fluffed up, romanticized idea he'd built up in his head over the years.  Sidney even pondered the notion: "It is a strange feeling...you've wanted something impossible for so long and suddenly it's within your grasp..." He had yearned for his own elusive green light, building himself into a strong and wealthy man over the years to prove his worth and then when the shadowy prize reappears in the form of Eliza he is dazed. He is transported into an insecure 18 year old. 

He may have loved Eliza 10 years ago, but I don't believe he spent the last decade in love with her. He was caught up in the grand idea he had forged and pining over the feeling of lost love. It was so elusive, he could've been chasing after the wind.

Even all these months later, it's difficult for me to reconcile the end of the dance scene until I started thinking about the enigmatic green light and how it can blur one's vision trying to see through a hazy, spellbinding mist.  Sidney was clearly entranced while dancing with Charlotte but that was due to the enchantment of falling in love. Suddenly, he is pulled back and snaps out of his "love spell" when he sees the ghost of Eliza in the flesh.  

Sidney had gone through virtually every emotion during the dance and the music reflects it. There is lust, longing, joy, tenderness, and vulnerability. All these emotions are displayed on Sidney and Charlotte’s faces as they go through the motions. The camera slows down and as we watch them in slow motion, with their beautiful expression of love, we are mesmerized and understand that time stood still for Sidney and Charlotte as they danced. It's one of the most moving and romantic scenes I've ever watched on film. In a word it's magical. And I don't mean this in a Disney princess sort of way. I mean it's transportive and spiritual. 

Sidney looks into Charlotte's eyes as if he is penetrating her very soul. Their intimate dance transforms them, and they connect in every way. I see Sidney smiling like a schoolboy having the time of his life and proud to have her in his arms. They have no guards up, no pretenses. Just pure joy. They are having fun together and totally at ease. They spin, twirl and grin ear to ear with a twinkle in their eyes. I can recall only a handful of scenes in Sanditon in which Sidney displays a full on grin with his eyes crinkled in delight: during the London dance, during the cricket match, in the rowboat during the regatta and when playing with the Parker children by the lake. All of these precious moments of pure happiness are with Charlotte. 

He smiles broadly and affectionately when he sees Mary, the only other woman he appears to trust, but it's not the special grin he reserves for Charlotte. Because of the incredible power of the golden dance, it feels so disjointed that he gives Eliza the pearly white smile immediately upon seeing her again. I haven't been able to make peace with it unless I view it as Sidney being hypnotized briefly by the green light.

When the sacred dance ends, a seriousness falls over both Charlotte and Sidney as they realize what just happened. They were thunderstruck by the intimacy they experienced and by their electric attraction. They both neglect to do the final spin as Sidney holds Charlotte tightly instead. He forgets to step back and Charlotte is clearly flushed.  They are overcome with emotion. He clenches his jaw to restrain himself and comes back to earth for the sake of propriety (otherwise he likely would’ve wanted to grab her and kiss her). Yet, just seconds later he looks over and sees HER. A ghost? He snaps back to reality when he sees Mrs. Campin and it's painful to watch. It's as if he was pulled out of the lovespell with Charlotte only to be hypnotized by Mrs. Campion. He's pulled back to being that insecure 18 year old again wanting to prove his worth because she is the woman who filled him with self-doubt.  When he smiles at Mrs. Campion it seems like an aberration from the rest of what we know of his character being such a guarded man.

As he stays talking with Mrs. Campion, it also feels like a betrayal to Charlotte.  I understand Sidney  needing to walk over to Mrs. Campion to acknowledge and greet her after so long. He is a gentleman after all. Others have argued that he was swept away seeing his longtime love and he was understandably confused.  In an interview, the actors Rose Williams and Theo James said they had tears in their eyes watching the playback of their London dance it was so moving. So if the dance was filmed out of sequence and after the Sidney greeting Eliza scene, Theo James wouldn't have known the intensity he was actually walking away from and that displaying a grin a second later might seem out of sync.  Sidney was Charlotte's escort for the evening and I couldn't believe what he'd just done. Not so much in the greeting of Eliza but it hurt to see him look back at Charlotte on the dance floor and then disregard her and turn back to Eliza. He knew how out of place Charlotte felt there and he'd just danced with her so intimately. Let's talk about a betrayal or at least very bad behavior. He should've excused himself right there to go back to Charlotte (even if she was with Tom!) and it's one of the few times I am genuinely angry with his character. How could he be so fickle? What about that life-changing dance? Hello? Earth to Sidney!

Then I mull over the power of the green light again. When he saw Mrs. Campion, he was transfixed by a powerful memory of his youth. When I looked further at a closeup shot of his smile the first thought that struck me is he looks sheepish. Sheepish grins are given when one feels a lack of confidence --and by definition even a sense of shame. So here is a grown man who is pulled back to feeling like an insecure, 18 year old boy. He had to go over to try and prove himself a worthy man. But a smile based on shame and insecurities is not one tied to genuine love. It is nowhere near the same as the pure joy he reflected in dancing with Charlotte and that is a key difference here.

I still feel as if I'm grasping for straws here to explain his behavior because I also think deep down Sidney has held a grudge for years against Eliza. She broke their engagement for a wealthier man. Like his brother Arthur said at the regatta, deep down he doesn't and couldn't trust her. How could he want to marry a woman he doesn't trust? 

In truth, I think all those years Sidney was longing for an idea that he couldn’t let go of rather than the actual woman. Likely it was a simpler time in his life when he was unguarded and free-spirited. Before he'd built those fortress walls up.  Sidney chases this ghost of his past in search of that lost feeling. Just like Gatsby and his obsession with the elusive green light and proving to Daisy and to everyone else he was successful and worthy.  Daisy was just across the dock but a world away. Daisy represented the world Gatsby so desperately wanted to be a part of but didn't fit into. 

In Sidney's case, he too wants to prove his worth and he is longing for love, a sense of security and comfort. I've always imagined he lost his parents at a young age and had to take on a lot of responsibility for the family. The burden is so often placed on his shoulders.

The scene at the Golden Ball is only a minute or so, but watching it feels like a dagger going through Charlotte's heart (and mine). Was the smile just a reflex? Muscle memory? Simply because they filmed scenes out of order? 

The Sidney I know from the show would've cautiously looked at Eliza as someone who'd wounded him. You're cautious if you stumble upon a weapon lying in the grass-you don't know what it's capable of.  His guard would be up. After all he is an older, wiser man now. He’d also be curious, as if investigating a science experiment. How would Eliza react to seeing the new, improved Sidney Parker? He was seeking approval. He'd offer a restrained smile--a closed mouth smile. Then after speaking perhaps he'd smile more sentimentally to reflect the bittersweet memories between them. Closed mouth smiles are more sentimental to me because they are often wistful, recalling what might have been. It wouldn't make sense to beam with joy at someone who deeply wounded you.

During the Regatta in Episode 7, Sidney quotes Heraclitus to Charlotte: "a man can not step into the same river twice, for he is not the same man and it is not the same river."  That boat with Eliza came and went many years ago. He knows he has moved on and changed.

So how should that pivotal scene of Sidney seeing Eliza for the first time have played out in Episode 6? Naturally, I think Sidney should've looked shocked and hesitant when he saw Eliza and then bowed curtly and politely. She had hurt him last he saw her so his natural defenses would be up.  He could've excused himself to greet her, been cordial and polite and then excused himself to get back to Charlotte. But of course, for dramatic TV purposes that is not how it went. If it were up to me, Eliza would simply never have popped up and Charlotte and Sidney would face other trials and tribulations together and figure out how to solve the fire debacle.  

I think that after a writer puts pen to paper, a story begins to take on a life of its own and is open to interpretation. I think of when an old copyrighted book enters the public domain after a hundred years or so—it then belongs to the people.  And long before that, iconic works become a part of our collective consciousness.  So even if the writers thought Sidney was so conflicted and still hung up on Eliza after 10 long years, I don't interpret it that way. I don't think he loved her anymore. 

Back to their meeting at the ball, if I saw an ex, I doubt I’d feel warm and fuzzy. I’d be reminded of why things didn't work out. There may be nostalgia and some good memories.  But overall, if it’s a person that hurt you deeply, it's still painful and if you've healed well enough then it's bittersweet.

Given my love of Sanditon and these characters, I need to find a way to make peace with this scene I wrestle with so much. Despite the magical dance with Charlotte, for a moment Sidney was overtaken. That elusive thing he thought he'd wanted was before his eyes.  

After he was dumped, he may have had a few bad years drinking and gambling and rabble-rousing before going to Antigua. He's a strong man whose pride was wounded. Abroad, I think he changed profoundly (and it’d be fascinating in season 2 to get a glimpse into his life there).  He went to Antigua to escape, to build himself up into a more wealthy man and he came back a very different man. He came back accepting that he'd be a bachelor and that he was an outlier. His brother Tom noted to Charlotte of his time in Antigua, "I fear the man he was never quite returned."

I see no evidence of Sidney pining after Eliza in the show or plotting to reconnect with her aside from approaching her at the ball. As Sidney told Charlotte while they are rowing at the regatta: "I had convinced myself that I was destined to remain alone, that I was ill-suited for matrimony."

After the Golden ball in every scene of Ep. 7 he looks markedly uncomfortable around Eliza. Usually, he alternates from appearing tentative, guarded, distrusting, or like he's holding back. Yes, he's trying to sort out his feelings in the rowboat, but I think he was confused moreso by the sense of duty to Sanditon he was grappling with (how convenient for Tom and town if he was engaged to the uber-wealthy Eliza). He's also confused because after making peace with being a bachelor it's ironic that the elusive prize he sought years ago was now his for the taking right at his front door. But truly, when he asks Charlotte about marriage in the rowboat and she responds about compatibility, it's clear to me she's the only woman who has changed his mind about marriage. 

I also have trouble with pivotal scenes in Episode 6 and 7 because I truly believe Sidney knew he was falling in love while he danced with Charlotte. So, it's always felt a little unnatural to me that he would then go backwards at the regatta and be so confused again. Especially since he always looks uncomfortable with Eliza and she treats him much like a lap dog on a leash. He's never more emasculated than with her ie. "Come, Sidney." or "Men, what do they know." It's infuriating to watch. How could a man like Sidney enjoy this belittling treatment or feel pangs of love in response? He doesn't. That's why he seeks out Charlotte almost immediately at the regatta and that's why he asks her to get in the rowboat. To test what he was already feeling and to see if she felt it too. If anything, I wish Charlotte could've been more demonstrative of her feelings for him. Give him the signs he needed to be bold. 

In Ep. 7 when Sidney enters Trafalgar House with Eliza and sees Charlotte standing across the room, he looks over with a clear sense of guilt. He is ill at ease because he already feels like he's betraying Charlotte. 

Tom had gotten involved in Sidney's affairs as he frustratingly does, and I think spurred on the invitation for Eliza to attend the regatta and to be entertained in Sanditon. So, Sidney felt an obligation to follow through for the sake of building up the town's reputation.  But aside from the one smile he gave Eliza upon seeing her at the dance and their initial encounter, I can't find a scene of Sidney smiling genuinely with  Eliza. It was when Charlotte asked Sidney "what is it that you want from me" that Sidney knew without a doubt he wanted her. He just couldn't formulate the words yet.  

He offers Eliza a small, wistful (closed mouth) smile when he says goodbye to her one last time after the regatta and sends her back to London alone. He's truly at peace with his decision.

The fact is Eliza is written and depicted in a way to be a villian. She's unlikable, not genuine, pretentious and cruel and all the things Sidney is trying to move away from. Charlotte is the opposite of these traits--she's incredibly likable, genuine, kind and down to earth and like a magnet, she keeps drawing Sidney in. 

It's evident time and time again. In episode 4, when Sidney comes back from London he sits down with Mary for tea and asks about Charlotte. He smiles warmly and notes he hopes to run into her at Mrs. Griffith's when he goes to check on Georgiana later that day. Clearly, Charlotte was on his mind in London too.

I think this is a man who had made peace with being a bachelor, however tenuous that peace was and however hardened he may have been. From the very beginning, he feels a push and pull attraction to Charlotte. In Ep. 1, he looks over at Charlotte curiously when he jumps out of his carriage on the clifftop upon seeing Mary with her and he asks Charlotte to repeat her name just to pull in close and get a good look at her and hear her speak.

Every episode the tension of attraction keeps building. 

So no, I don't think he was hung up on Eliza while Charlotte was in the picture. I think that ship sailed long ago. There's a quote I'm reminded of: "People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which purpose, you will know what to do for each person.” 

For Sidney, I think Eliza was in his life for a reason and a season. And it was over and dead now. He grew into being a man from a lovestruck boy after she left him. Maybe he was too trusting and naive before.

But I believe Charlotte is meant to be his lifetime love even if time and distance separate them (for now).

I think about the "not the same man and not the same river” quote and wonder would that sentiment apply to Charlotte and Sidney too if they are separated for a long period of time? I think the exception here is she's meant to be in his life for the long haul. 

If we need any more evidence, he definitively says to Charlotte at the end of Episode 8, "I don't love her you know" referring to Eliza. What he doesn't get to say out of propriety is: "I love you, Charlotte" but we see it expressed in his eyes.

I guess like many things in life, I'll just need to accept that the close of Ep. 6 will always seem disjointed and out of character for Sidney and therefore somewhat infuriating for me. I chalk it up to a fantastic show that keeps me thinking about it months later. And I blame the mysterious, inexplicable pull of the green light. 

It's only the best stories that live on like this—they take on new meaning each time we revisit them. The characters are complex and multi-layered and can't be summed up in a word. They evolve and change and as we evolve and change, the way we view them changes.  

I'm eager to revisit the finest seaside resort, Sanditon, soon to see what new adventures await. Surely, Sidney and friends will confound me once again. 

In the meantime, it's a good time for a re-read of The Great Gatsby.